Bryan Cohen

As I write this post, we’re only two days out from the opening of Guardians of the Galaxy. My wife has graciously agreed to go with me on opening night, which prompted her to ask Facebook if she deserved the Wife of the Week Award. I’m extremely excited to see this flick, but I had a hard time deciding where it ranked in my top five most anticipated nerdy TV/movie events. Here’s the top five as I see it.

5. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

This movie was a perfect combination of three different loves for me at the time. I enjoyed the hell out of Shaun of the Dead, which was directed by Scott Pilgrim director Edgar Wright. The movie’s lead actor Michael Cera was coming off of a big movie in Superbad and I loved all the Judd Apatow produced stuff that was coming out in the mid 2000s. Let’s face it though. The reason I was so drawn in by the movie was the idea that it was set in a video game universe. Seeing the characters fighting each other with hit points, extra lives and even a meter to determine how full their bladders were hooked me from the start. I recall seeing this movie at a 10 a.m. showing to get a matinee price and I was amped for the rest of the day. As soon as it came out on DVD, I got the Blu-Ray and watched all the special features.

4. Guardians of the Galaxy

I’ve been talking this movie up to anyone who would listen for the last six months. When I saw the first trailer, I loved the idea of a Marvel comedic action movie in space. Chris Pratt has won me over from “Parks and Recreation” and his turns in Moneyball and Zero Dark Thirty. Seeing him give the finger to John C. Reilly in the early trailer was enough to intrigue me, but the massive Groot and diminutive Rocket Racoon made it a must-see. Throw in Dave Bautisa, a connection to my love for professional wrestling, Zoe Saldana from Star Trek and Lee Pace from “Pushing Daisies” and you’ve earned my opening night money. Seeing the early reviews for this flick has me saying, “Marvel, you’ve done it again.”

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 5 Finale, “The Gift”

When I think about this classic episode, the first image that comes to mind is my high school girlfriend sobbing all over the place as we tried to cope from the shock that ended Buffy’s final season on the WB. There was so much buildup for this episode in what is probably the show’s second best season. Glory was one of the show’s best big bads and while not everybody loved Dawn, the concept of a magical key trapped inside a girl who was fabricated in the minds of all the characters on the show is pretty amazing. Add in the beginning of Spike’s love for Buffy and the death of Joyce Summers and you have a ton of emotion built up for one of the best episodes the show produced. One of the few times I watched the show with someone who loved it as much as me, my viewing experience for Buffy’s second death was quite an experience. A nerdy and weepy experience.

2. Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (Special Edition)

By the time high school rolled around, I’d seen all three Star Wars movies on cable, but I’d never seen them as they were intended. My buddy Swam was a huge Star Wars nerd, and he made sure we would be there to accompany him for all three Special Editions when they came out. While I loved seeing the Death Star explode at the end of A New Hope, it was seeing Empire on the big screen that officially made me a Star Wars fan. I’m definitely in the camp that it’s one of the best movies of all time. There are so many iconic moments in this movie and I can say that I saw them in a packed movie theater! The battle on the ice planet Hoth, Luke training with Yoda, the Lando-Darth Vader double cross scene, the “I am your father” line, and Han Solo getting frozen in carbonite! I’m still a Trekkie at heart, having seen all the movies and every single episode of The Next Generation, but seeing Empire in theaters made me add to my nerd allegiances for sure.

1. Marvel’s The Avengers

When Marvel signed on Joss Whedon to write and direct The Avengers, I should have started a savings account, because the company had pretty much committed to taking all of my money. I was a big fan of Iron Man and Robert Downey Jr.’s portrayal of the billionaire playboy philanthropist. Thor was pretty good, but the way Chris Hemsworth inhabited the role made me very interested in what he’d do in a better movie. Chris Evans surprised me in Captain America and it always felt like a movie that shouldn’t have worked but somehow did. When you add them all together in a movie with the overwhelmingly attractive Scarlett Johannsen, you already have me in line. The Joss Whedon thing put it over the top as the biggest movie event of my life. I watched the trailers for this flick too many times to count and spent a lot of energy convincing my wife to attend opening weekend with me. I guffawed throughout all the comedy and my eyes bugged out of my head during the action scenes. Even Cobie Smulders was good in this movie! I saw the flick twice in theaters and it made me a Marvel junkie for life.

What are some of the nerdy events you’ve heavily anticipated? Sound off in the comments below.

Top Image – Flickr Creative Commons Avengers Concept Art: Environment by marvelousRoland

 

It’s here! It’s here! Ted Saves the World is now available on Amazon. You can buy the book for 99 cents for a limited time. If you’d like to try before you buy, here’s a reveal of the first chapter below. I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1

“You know, you aren’t very manly, Ted.”

Natalie sipped the last of her chocolate and vanilla milkshake when she said it. Ted looked away from her deep, brown eyes. He zeroed in on one of the first edition manuscripts that lined the walls of Page’s, his favorite after-school and Sunday brunch spot. You could only read two pages in each of the framed copies, but Debra Page, the diner’s second-generation owner, always had a few copies of each book lying around. If he had his choice between the inevitable heartbreak of continuing the conversation or burying his face in a copy of Moby Dick, he’d go with Melville any day.

Ted knew Natalie was right. She was the kind of person a team would snatch up first in a pickup basketball game. He would be last, despite his recently acquired extra height. Ted took a deep breath and looked into Natalie’s eyes. She could win a staring contest against a bull.

“At least I’m in touch with my feminine side,” he said, ripping off a piece of paper from a straw wrapper and rolling it between his fingers.

Three months ago, Natalie might have laughed. Instead, she glowered. He looked back down at the newspaper comics underneath the glass tabletop.

“You’re a great listener, but you never take action. I always have to do everything first. Everything. It’s embarrassing.”

Ted loved Natalie’s voice, with its slight regional break that made her stand out in the suburbs. It even sounded great when she was insulting him.

It was about six months ago when the two of them kissed for the first time. As always, she had her black licorice hair pulled back to reveal her tan neck and collarbone. He went in for a peck on the cheek and she took control, turning it into a standing make-out session. It was amazing to kiss someone he cared about, but he never would have done it on his own. It was his nerves. They kept him from doing just about anything but cracking jokes.

He took another piece of the straw between his fingers.

“I’m all about equal rights, but it feels like I’m missing out,” she said.

Ted rolled the paper as tight as it could go and placed it with the other paper balls. He didn’t want to look up at Natalie, but he knew he’d stared at the table too long. Everything about her was robust. Her jaw was like a linebacker’s, nothing ever broke her eye contact, and her hair was thick from too many training sessions in the pool. For Ted, those features came together to make Natalie look more Amazonian princess than heavyweight wrestler. When the other guys in his grade found out about the relationship, the word that kept coming up was “impressive.”

“I don’t disagree with you, Natalie. You’re the strong one.”

“But I didn’t expect you to be so scared. So weak. So powerless.”

Ted never got comfortable being in a relationship. Every time they kissed or held hands, he felt as nervous as he had the first time, no matter how many times he told himself to be manlier and more confident. He didn’t take chances on starting things because he was afraid he would screw things up and they would end.

He didn’t want a day like today to come.

“At least you don’t have to be worried that I’ll beat you in one-on-one,” he said.

Natalie smiled at that. It was the first time he’d seen that expression all morning.

“I don’t have to worry about anyone beating me one-on-one. Not in this town.”

Ted grinned until Natalie reverted to neutral.

“But none of that really matters. In fact, I find some of it cute. The real problem is that you’re still in love with someone else.”

Ted’s mind raced. He cared deeply for Natalie, but he wondered if his heart was still with the girl next door.

“She may not even be alive, Natalie.”

“Whether or not she is, she broke up your friendship. Heck, I only asked you out because we were such good friends.”

Ted’s parents were the ones who got him to put down the books to go out and meet people. He found a best friend in Dhiraj, a teammate on his township baseball team. Neither of them were any good at it, so they found common ground in comic books and movies on the bench. Dhiraj wanted to be the next Mark Zuckerburg. He was never afraid to talk to anyone, not even Natalie, who scared just about everyone back in middle school. The first week she moved to town in seventh grade, she destroyed the point guard from the eighth grade boy’s varsity team in a gym class basketball tournament. She didn’t say much back then, but Dhiraj coaxed her out of her shell. The three of them hung out, playing Ping-Pong in Dhiraj’s basement and ultimate in his backyard. Ted became attracted to Natalie, which helped him to get over his former childhood crush and best friend who’d become far too popular to pay any attention to him. It took two years for Ted to realize Natalie felt the same way about him. It was a classic opposites-attract scenario. When Natalie asked him out at the mall food court, he spilled a drink all over himself in response.

“Ever since I said those three magic words, you’ve acted differently,” Natalie said. “Like this relationship means more than you thought it meant.”

“I do want to be with you. I’m just an idiot.”

“Do you love me, Ted?”

Tears formed in Ted’s eyes and he tensed his face to keep them from coming out. There was nobody he wanted to spend his time with more than Natalie. Except for Erica. Natalie took Ted’s pause for an answer.

“Ted, it’s over,” she said. “Unless you have some kind of objection.”

He had a million, but he also had a problem. She deserved better if he couldn’t give himself completely to her.

“I’ll get the check,” he said.

“I’m breaking up with you. The least I can do is buy your waffles.”

Natalie put down a twenty and stood up. Ted considered doing the same, but he didn’t move an inch, as he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to look up at her without crying.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted, Natalie.”

Ted thought he saw tears in Natalie’s eyes as well. The only time he’d ever seen her cry was at the end of the movie Rudy.

“I shouldn’t have tried – I shouldn’t have assumed that you would change,” she said. “You don’t always get to choose who you love, I guess.”

“I wish you could,” he said.

They looked at each other for a long moment.

“I’ll see you in gym tomorrow.”

As Natalie walked out of Page’s Diner, so ended Ted’s first relationship. He felt more and less nervous at the same time, as his eyes settled down on the laminated comics under the glass on his table. He fixated on a sad animated child watching a balloon float into the sky.

“Just like me. Unable to hang onto the good stuff.”

He looked over his shoulder and saw Natalie hold the door open for a group of five tough-looking men with strange tattoos. He wondered if Natalie would look back. She didn’t. That’s when he started turning blue.

A blue pulse of energy began to course through his hands and arms. It felt like pins and needles on his skin. Ted looked around to see if anyone else noticed the phenomenon. Everyone around him continued to munch on, unawares, as the blue light moved to his shoulders and chest. Along with the light came energy that felt like a mild current of electricity.

Is anybody seeing this? he thought.

Ted’s waitress, Sandra, was chatting with four of the gruff-looking men. He wondered where the fifth guy had gone, as the energy moved into every part of his body. He began to shake, and when he gripped the booth to stabilize himself, the table shook as well. He imagined he was causing a spectacle, though nobody seemed to notice him at all.

“A breakup and spontaneous combustion in one day. What are the odds?”

He laughed to himself as his teeth chattered.

“I knew I shouldn’t have ordered the blue plate special.”

He tried to smile as the energy began to tickle and burn. Ted heard a scream from the kitchen. His glance in that direction made him realize all the blinds had been drawn. One of the thugs chatting with Sandra jumped up on the table.

“This here is a robbery,” the man said before cracking a smile. “I always wanted to say that.”

The thug was confident and British. He waved his gun in the air, causing several diners to cower and shriek. Ted had never seen a gun this close up, but the current pulsing through his body made him numb to emotion. He noticed a woman at the table next to him begin to sob silently, her tears dripping onto her patty melt and soaking into the bread.

“Anyone sends a text, they get a bullet in the head,” the man on the table said. “Toss the phones in the bag.”

Ted complied as another tattooed man passed by and collected his phone. As he did, Ted noticed a reflection of himself in the screen. There was no blue wave around him, and he wasn’t combusting. He was just normal and sad and getting robbed. The energy sensation dipped to a low hum.

“Ask yourselves who you are,” the man on the table said.

His tone was unwavering. It was as if he’d practiced the words over and over again in the bathroom mirror.

“Have you done everything you’ve wanted to in life? Of course not, because you’re too limited. If you could trade places with a billionaire or a movie star, you probably would. The person you are isn’t the person you want to be. But today, we’re going to help you with that problem.”

The patrons looked at each other, unsure how to react. Ted wondered who he would trade places with before he recalled that he was in a hostage situation and that he’d probably switch with nearly anyone right now. He looked at the pile of rolled-up paper balls on the table. Instinct made him reach to take one, but before he could grasp it, the paper balls shot out in every direction, scattering to cover the entire tabletop. He hadn’t even come close to touching them.

—–

There you have it! Intrigued enough to get the book on your digital shelf? Grab the book today on Amazon for 99 cents. 

What’d you think of the first chapter? What are you excited to find out about as the story continues? Let me know in the comments below.

 

Hey everyone, it’s been far too long since I posted on this blog. As many of you know, I’ve been running some sci-fi/fantasy/horror author events on this website, and several of them took place on Saturdays (my blog post writing day). As a guy in my early 30s, I’ve also been going out of town for multiple weddings, which has likewise cannibalized my blog post writing time.

At long last, I’m back and with some good news. Ted Saves the World will be available on Amazon on Monday, July 21st. Having never written a full-length novel before, I didn’t realize how long the editing process would take. It’s been eye opening to say the last, and it makes me even more impressed at the folks who get out 5-10 novels per year.

Now that the book is on its way, I’m going to change up the focus of the blog a bit. Previously, I shared stories from my life with you, which are all still available on the site. Going forward, I’d like to focus more on my genre, which won’t be all that limiting given my combination of sci-fi, fantasy and paranormal. I’m going to write about some of the nerdy things I like that have influenced me in my writing. I’m also going to share more excerpts and videos with you. Every so often, I’ll talk about my author journey and something off topic, but for the most part, I want this blog to be something my core readers love to check out multiple times per month.

With that being said, let’s talk a little bit about my latest obsession: Guardians of the Galaxy.

As I write this post, we’re only two weeks out from a movie I’ve been excited about for over a year. I’ve never read the comic the upcoming movie is based on, but it already meets several of my qualifications for nerdy entertainment. It has a director with nerd street creed in James Gunn. It has a lead star from one of my favorite shows in Andy Dwyer himself, Chris Pratt. It’s in space, it has aliens, and it has that combination of action and humor I so dearly love.

I drank the Marvel Cinematic Universe Kool-Aid a long time ago, but this movie seems to stand on its own as something I would see on opening weekend. At this point, I don’t even think bad reviews would keep me from seeing Vin Diesel’s Groot and Bradley Cooper’s Rocket Raccoon from kicking some major butt on August 1st.

But this is all just one man’s opinion. Will you be checking out Guardians of the Galaxy in theaters? Does this concept seem too idiotic or just dumb enough to work? Is Vin Diesel as a tree that can only say one sentence picture perfect casting? Let me know in the comments below.

Top Image: Flickr Creative Commons Guardians of the Galaxy by BagoGames

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I don’t know how famous writers do it. They go out of town from conference to conference and still get all their writing goals accomplished. This past week, I was in New Jersey to teach a workshop and speak on a panel at the North Wildwood Beach Writers Conference. I only skipped one day of writing while I was there, but it felt like it really threw me off my schedule. My morning writing routine has been glorious and I’m very afraid of anything getting me out of whack. For many reasons, I’m happy to be back at my desk.

I’ve gotten comments back from four of my beta readers on Ted Saves the World. I’m happy to say that three out of four of them had good things to say, while all of them offered helpful, constructive criticism.

I’ve also changed designers for my cover to a new up-and-coming artist who does fantastic work. I think he’ll be just the person I need to bring the outer shell of my novel to the world.

As the publication date draws near for my first novel, I’m becoming nostalgic for when I released my first non-fiction book, 1,000 Creative Writing Prompts. I thought I’d tell you all the story of how that came to be. Enjoy.

When Do You Know You’re An Author?

I started writing my first book in December 2008, though I didn’t know I was writing it. I sat in a lonely Chicago office the week of Christmas. I was supposed to be answering phones for a temp gig, but the calls were few and far between. During those five eight-hour shifts, I had about 30 hours of downtime. I felt devilish as I began working on my first blog, Build Creative Writing Ideas. I pitched myself as a sort of Tony Robbins for writers, creating keyword-focused content pages on how writers could defeat writer’s block. After all, who was better to teach readers than a person who hadn’t figured out how to overcome his own creative roadblocks. I figured I’d learn productivity by writing about it.

I spent more time checking my web stats over the next six months than I did writing. One of the pages I wrote, a page of 10 creative writing prompts from the heart, pulled in twice as much traffic as anything else. The prompts were easy to write, as they were just like initiating the hundreds of improv comedy scenes I’d been a part of the last few years. As I continued to write more pages of prompts, my traffic grew. My income crept up a little as well, but it wasn’t quite enough to pay for hosting. After a year and a half, I’d written 70 pages of 10 prompts each, and I was losing money in the process.

I’m not sure when the idea came to me. I must have read somewhere that it wasn’t too difficult to put your blog posts into a PDF file to turn it into a book. I liked things that were easy. I brought up my 700 prompts to an even 1,000 over the next few weeks and put up my PDF file on the website in August 2010. Aside from my future mother-in-law pulling the trigger, writing the book didn’t give me quite the financial boost I was hoping for. At least, it didn’t until I heard about self-publishing for Kindle.

On a late-night search of ways to not be broke, I learned that with a little technical knowhow, anyone could sell their digital book on Amazon for free. It was the free part that appealed to me and I jumped right into the help section. I knew the ugly green-and-gold cover I’d thrown together wouldn’t fly online, so I bought a beautiful stock image and asked my girlfriend to do the rest. I had to pay her $50 upfront and $50 out of the first $100 I made off the book so that she wouldn’t feel like I was ripping her off, but the cover she produced was much better than what I could have done on my own. It took me about a month, but by September 2010, I had a semi-functional and attractive book up for sale on Amazon.

Nothing happened the first 30 days, and I beat myself up for putting in all that hard work. I started linking my website up to the Amazon page in as many places as I could. By October, the strength of the links kicked in and a few sales began to trickle through each week. The numbers grew until Christmas 2010 when they really started to impress me.

I was sitting on the guest bed in my girlfriend’s parents’ house when I checked my stats for pre-Christmas purchases. I had sold over 10 copies since that morning and more than 30 copies that week. I felt like Tom Cruise when he jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch. I was ecstatic. The sales numbers continued to grow in January and February, and I started to think something new and unusual. Maybe I should start writing more books. Maybe I wasn’t a secretary, a barista or a blogger. Perhaps, I was an author.

Top Image: Flickr Creative Commons Written in Slumber by Matryosha

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I felt like a real hot shot author this week. On Friday, I visited Oomphotography, a Chicago photo studio, to take pictures of my two cover models for the first three Ted Saves the World books. There are a lot of authors who might use stock images or get their designers to take care of all the photo work. But since I’m a bit of a control freak, I organized the cover shoot with Oomphotography’s help. The models, Cordelia and Michael were really fantastic to work with, and we took some great shots. I can’t wait to reveal how everything turned out when the first cover has been edited and designed.

I also sent out the second draft of (most of) Ted Saves the World #1. It’s scary to let the book out of my hands and let people see it when it still needs a little bit of work. You need to really steel yourself against any impending criticism. But I know that this is how a lot of professional self-published authors get their books to be so highly regarded, so I’m willing to deal with the fear of putting myself out there in return for a better end product.

There are a lot of other things in the works as well. I’m planning four promotional events in June that will be hosted right here on BryanCohen.com. Fantasy lovers will be able to get their fill with more than 50 books available at just 99 cents each. Keep an eye out for those goodies on June 13, 14, 27 and 28.

In A New York Moment, Part II, I had just met Meredith Vieira a few minutes before going onto the set for my Millionaire episode. Read Part I here and Part II here.

Here is the conclusion of A New York Moment.

A New York Moment, Part III

I’ve been told that I’m more comfortable around famous people than most. On the outside, it may seem that way, but on the inside I have the same reaction as everybody else. I’d seen Meredith Vieira reward and crush the dreams of hundreds of people in the last decade of syndicated “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.” When I met her, the fear bubbled up, though her ear-to-ear grin made me feel more at ease than I could have otherwise.
“Hi Bryan, I’m Meredith.”
It’s always astounded me that even celebrities introduce themselves that way. I shook her hand. I’d never seen so many rings on one person’s digits. I estimated there were six different rings on her right hand alone.
“It’s great to meet you.”
“I hear you’re from Chicago. I love Chicago! Both of my daughters go to Northwestern.”
I was having small talk with Meredith Vieira. Later, I realized she probably had similar exchanges with most Chicago folks, but at the moment, her gentle words put me at ease. Before the exchange could go much further, Rick the producer said that it was time.
I was instructed to take my place behind the “hot poker table” and I took in my surroundings. The giant screen stood ominously before me. Upon it, I’d see the questions that would make or break my chances of fulfilling my $8,000 goal. Rick and Meredith looked at a green index card and discussed its contents. Each contestant had two or three stories that Meredith would use to help the audience and the viewers at home to get to know the contestant. My lead story was a choice between my self-publishing writing career, my 30-pound weight loss or my Jell-O wrestling experience from my freshman year of college. Just one minute before the cameras went live, the producers decided to go with the Jell-O wrestling story. Meredith wished me luck and the producers gave me the cue. The familiar music began and the crowd started to cheer.

“When you’ve gone head-to-head in a Jell-O wrestling match with an adult entertainer, answering 13 questions for a million dollars seems like a cake walk. Let me introduce you to today’s contestant, Bryan Cohen.”
All of the nervousness I’d held inside evaporated. My years in theatre made me calm in front of a crowd. As the cameras rolled, I entered the zone. I was ready to play. Meredith and I joked about the story, and the crowd ate it up. Before long, Meredith dispensed with the formalities and jumped into the game.
For a split second, I saw the names of the questions before they were randomized on the large screen. The bottom question, which was rated as the easiest on the board, had shifted up to the second slot. The rest of the order would be completely unknown for me going forward. I took a deep breath.
The first question asked what color a foreign country changed the water in its fountains to commemorate National Hemophilia Day.
“The fountains remind me of a pool of Jell-O,” I said.
“You have a one-track mind, Bryan.”
Laughter filled my ears. The audience was on my side. I’d need them if I used my ask the audience lifeline.
The answer of “red,” stuck out to me as pretty obvious. I reasoned it out loud as I’d been instructed before selecting my answer. Meredith made no effort to trick me, telling me it was correct almost instantaneously. The answer put $500 into my bank. It was the second lowest dollar amount on the board, but I was happy to make it through question #1.
The next question asked what was the name of the world’s largest frog. All the answers were unified by their relation to the Bible. Between Judas, Caan, Moses and Goliath frog, I went with the obvious answer. If I hadn’t known it was going to be the easiest question on the board, I might have given it a second thought. I selected Goliath frog, and Meredith awarded me with a correct answer. The randomized dollar amount flashed on screen. The figure of $25,000 popped up with graphics of fireworks around it. I immediately ran over to my wife and hugged her. If I walked away from the game at any point in the first 10 questions, I’d get half of my bank. Unless I tripped up from here, I’d have my $8,000 goal and then some.

The rest of the game was played as cautiously as my practice rounds with Swam. I asked the audience on a 1960s hairdo question, even though I was leaning toward the correct answer of “Beehive.” That took my bank up to $25,600. A question on the show “Cheers” rewarded the incessant TV watching of my youth with a $7,000 correct answer. Before the commercial break, a tricky question about how many sliders were in half of a White Castle “Crave Case” crossed the board.
“Do you eat much White Castle?” Meredith asked.
“I’ve been on a diet for the past year. So… no.” I said.
Even though I was leaning toward the correct answer of 15, I used one of my two remaining jump the question lifelines to skip both the question and the dollar amount. $15,000 flashed on the screen. That was money I wouldn’t be getting my hands on. Meredith took my hand in hers and the show went to a commercial break.
“I would have guessed 30, I’m glad you jumped that one,” she said.
I was happy to have Meredith on my side, even if the questions weren’t. The next question was about state flags, and asked which flag featured the date December 7, 1787. I leaned toward Delaware, explaining that it was the first state to join the union. I wasn’t completely sure though, and with one jump the question left, I took it. The answer was indeed Delaware and I missed out on $10,000.

With no lifelines left, I was resigned to walk as soon as a stumper came along. Fortunately, the next two questions were well within my wheelhouse. My wife and I both loved the movie The Artist, so when the name “Uggie,” came up in the next clue, I already had my answer and another $3,000 locked up. Question #8 was about the term for “a live performance” and “1,024 megabytes,” and between host, cache, bit and gig, I went with the correct choice. Another $5,000 entered my bank to put me at $40,600.

There were two questions remaining before I could reach the game’s hallowed second round. If I answered question 10 correctly, I’d be able to keep my entire bank. The visions of what $40,000+ could do for my life danced through my brain. There was a chance I’d know the answers for the next two, but I knew I’d have to play it safe to keep my goal intact. I looked back at my wife and smiled.

When question #9 came up, even before the answers displayed, I mentally put on my walking shoes. Meredith asked which U.S. president was the first to throw out the first pitch on Major League Baseball’s opening day. I had no clue whatsoever. Of the four, Theodore Roosevelt was the greatest sportsman I knew. I assumed Taft would be out due to his “big bones,” and I knew nothing about Harding or Cleveland. With a lack of a sure answer, I told Meredith that I would be walking away with $20,300. It was a good thing I walked too, because the first choice I eliminated, Taft, was actually the correct answer.

As the show went to another commercial break, Meredith whispered in my ear.
“Let’s go see, Amy.”
Seeing as I was completely dumbfounded by my luck and being on national TV, I was willing to comply with simple commands. After some more small talk between myself, Meredith, and my wife, we walked off the set, signed some paperwork and exited ABC Studios. I sat with Amy, her cousin and my mother on a bench in Central Park to let it all soak in. I’d survived and accomplished my goal.

Eight months later, after keeping my haul a secret, Amy and I hosted a viewing party for all our friends two days after the episode aired on WGN. Three weeks after that, I had the biggest check of my life in my hands. I was so glad I’d taken the time to make that list over a year earlier, not just because of the money, but because I got to put that Millionaire feather in my cap for the rest of my life. This storyteller had a new story to share. And it came with more than a few fringe benefits.

Top Image: Flickr Creative Commons William Howard Taft by Political Graveyard

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This is a week of wearing many hats. It’s a misconception that writers spend all of their time writing. Yesterday, I spent some of my time finishing my first draft of Ted Saves the World, some of my time emailing other authors for a June promotional event to bring in new fans and the rest of my time organizing two models and a photographer for my upcoming cover shoot. How cool is it that I get to be a writer, a salesman and a producer in the same day? I work hard to fit it all in while holding down a part-time freelance job to pay the bills. If everything works out, I’ll be able to become a full-time author within the next two years. Until that time comes, I’ll just have to be comforted by the fact that I look great in a hat.

Everything with the release of the first part of Ted Saves the World for June 30 is still on schedule. I’ve planned for some contingency, but I’d feel like a real champion if I could actually pull it off. I will keep you all posted.

When we last left our protagonist (me), he had just gotten a phone call inviting him onto the show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Read the first part of the story here. Onward to part two!

A New York Moment, Part II

When I auditioned for Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, I never expected that the weekend before flying to New York City, I’d be hanging out at an In-And-Out Burger in Los Angeles. I stood up to simulate the gameplay while my best friend Swam read me practice questions. While many remember Millionaire’s hot seat, the chair was replaced the previous season with a standing position at a clear, waist-level table. Some called the new setup “the hot poker table.” After taking a bite of my double cheeseburger, I prepared for the fifth question in the current practice round. I didn’t know the answer, so I made a blind 25 percent guess. It wasn’t correct.
“Dude, what are you doing?”
Swam was a man of many talents. As a mathematician, he had a pretty good idea of how to play the odds.
“If I quit then, I would have walked away with $2,500. You get $1,000 just for showing up. It’s not worth it.”
It was the second straight practice round I’d botched. Swam was getting impatient with me.
“Bryan, answer a question for me. Would that extra $1,500 make a significant impact on your life?”
I considered the question. I knew where he was leading me with this one, and I wanted to resist, but the numbers guy was right. An extra $1,500 wouldn’t pay off all my credit cards. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t help.
“You’re right,” I said.
He seemed appeased by my response.
“Good. Let’s go again.”

A day after I returned to Chicago, my wife and I arrived in New York. Our friends Julie and Sean agreed to put us up for as long as we needed, and they were beyond excited for our arrival. The two of them quizzed me, and by applying Swam’s strategy, my average dollar amount jumped significantly. If I even had a chance of getting something wrong, I jumped ship. While our boarders were impressed, it was difficult for my wife to express her feelings. A combination of nerves, traveling and germs had caused her steadfast immune system to let a head cold through the gates. The night before I made my trek to ABC Studios, Amy’s coughs and sneezes kept me awake nearly all night.

When I arrived at ABC the following morning, I was in similar sleep-deprived company. There was no clear demographic among my peers. We had the wise old man who dreamed of fishing trips, the young yoga instructor who sought the bright lights of the stage and even a lawyer turned magician. After dropping off our dress-up clothes, we had our first view of the Millionaire set.

It was smaller than I’d imagined. Through the magic of TV, a room that sat 75 looked massive on the screen. The familiar iconography of the show I’d watched dozens of times was all around me. We all took our turns answering a practice question. I wondered if it was foreboding that I needed to use a lifeline on mine. One of the competitors, an 18-year-old trivia guru, asked the photographer if we could take a group shot. Apparently, nobody had ever asked to do that before. It was a good thing we liked each other, because they’d be our cellmates for the next day and a half.

The green room was comfortable. It had an ever-flowing supply of snacks. There was a piano, a white board and a TV. We had those amenities and ourselves as we waited for the call. Tracey and Leah, the two production assistants assigned as our babysitters, heard everything that was going on through their headsets. They knew when a game was about to end and when one of us would have a microphone placed on our collar as moved into the on-deck circle. While they knew the dollar amounts won and lost on stage, we knew nothing. The game was veiled in secrecy, and everything was supposed to remain a secret until our episodes aired. As a result, the people we’d bonded with for hours would get up, we’d hug them and then they were gone. The magic of Facebook would later connect us, but the contents of their episode would remain a mystery to us until it aired.

We watched prior episodes on a DVD, played with balloon animals filled by the magician and used the whiteboard for Pictionary as we waited. The lack of sleep was catching up to me, and I took the opportunity to close my eyes on one of the couches. After hours of Meredith Vieira impersonations and catnaps, the day of filming was nearly complete.
“Tracy, what are the chances I go on today?” I asked. “Should I sleep, or get ready for Mere Bear?”
Tracy smiled.
“Go back to sleep. You won’t see Mere Bear until tomorrow.”

I met my wife, her cousin, my parents, my brother and his fiancé in the lobby. They’d spent the entire day in the audience waiting for me to go on. Only half of them would be able to come the following day. After a coffee with my wife and her cousin, we took the trip back to Queens to get a full night’s sleep.

Energy was the name of the game for day two. I took a half-hour jog in the morning, exercised in the green room and I even did mini-sprints and squats after the producer attached the microphone to my collar. The post green room holding area looked like a garage mixed with a solitary confinement ward. I was nervous, but I hoped the endorphins would kick in to keep me afloat on the air. Following an extended break for lunch, I was led backstage. It looked different than it had the previous day. It was filled with life and light. I spied my wife in the companion area with the spotlight upon her. I hoped she was as ready as I was.

When I turned away from the audience, I came face to face with the show’s host, Meredith Vieira. I was momentarily speechless.

To be concluded…

Top Image: Flickr Creative Commons Who Wants To Be a Millionaire by Roo Reynolds 

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